The new world in the morning

A_box_of_hairOMFG. I survived the year 2014. It’s over. I’m about to pack it all in a box. All those cancer hats – in the box. A big blue folder called Resilience, from Ovarian Cancer Australia – in the box. You’ve been very helpful but I don’t want to catch sight of you at the moment. Cardboard box with bananas stamped on the side, full of wigs – it’s going back round the corner to Steph Luke.

The year 2014 can go the f@#k to sleep.

It’s time to get the box I labelled “Hair” out of the cupboard. It contains things like shampoo, conditioner, combs, depilatory cream. Things one uses when one has hair, wanted or unwanted. These things can now be restored to their spots in the bathroom.

Unfortunately I can’t pack up Buckminster and all his accoutrements. Buckminster is the name I’ve given to my stoma and colostomy bag. Last night I was discussing it with my friend Karen Golland, and I called it “this guy”. As in, “This guy has a lot to say, tonight.” She said, “Oh, is it male?” I stopped and thought about this. Yes. He is a male. Full of shit. Not that I think males in general are full of shit by any means. Some of my all-time favourite people were or are male. But for some reason I’ve been thinking of it as a “guy” or a “dude”. So, yes, male. And being full of shit is in no way a criticism: it’s just its function. So, Fullashit. Which suggests a first name: Buckminster.

In 1927, Buckminster Fuller, the architect and futurist, had an epiphany. He was contemplating suicide when he suddenly found himself floating a couple of feet off the pavement in a sphere of bright light. According to Wikipedia, a  voice came to him and said:

From now on you need never await temporal attestation to your thought. You think the truth. You do not have the right to eliminate yourself. You do not belong to you. You belong to Universe. Your significance will remain forever obscure to you, but you may assume that you are fulfilling your role if you apply yourself to converting your experiences to the highest advantage of others.

After that, he went on to invent the geodesic dome and have bucky balls named after him. And my colostomy apparatus.

I can’t pack Buckminster away; he’s a constant reminder of the truth, which is that everything you’ve got is slipping away from you, including your own body parts, but with a little help you can temporarily stave off the dragons of dissolution. (I reassure myself that temporary can be a very long time.)

Yes. I’d like to put 2014 in a box and put it away but Buckminster keeps reminding me of it. As he should.

And even though there’s no such thing as Forever here on earth, it might exist somewhere else. Last night, at Fiona Green’s beautiful New Year’s Eve party, Karen told us about the Forever Now project which will send messages into the universe. They might be found one day … by others or perhaps by some version of ourselves, the ones living in another space-time dimension. You can see the video clip here. It is so beautiful. Karen worked on collages (a different project) with one of the artists, Deborah Kelly, at Bundanon just before Christmas. You can vote for this animation to board the forever rocketship by leaving a comment below the animation.

Anyway, here on Earth, it’s a new morning!

I should have done this in my last post for 2014, but I’ll do it now: Thank you, all my readers, for riding with me all year. I managed to post most Thursdays for most of the year; I’m aiming to do the same again this year.

Happy New Year!

9 thoughts on “The new world in the morning

  1. Anne Powles

    Happy New Year. I hope 2015 is a wonderful year for you and Steve. I agree with you about putting away resilience for a while. Resilience is over stated in that it has become like a “duty” rather than a lucky characteristic if one has it from time to time.

    But also a happy and successful new year to Buckminster. He is a nuisance no doubt but a wonderfully clever invention and so appropriately named after such a clever inventor. Both my mother in law and maternal Aunt lived happily with their own Buckminsters for well over twenty years. My Aunt, in particular, who had a great sense of both language and humour, would have loved that name for her devices. Her doctor often called upon her to discuss such matters with reluctant pre operative patients and I remember she took me with her as she shopped for a really smart dress for one such occasion!
    I look forward to your posts this year.


    Happy new year from Kuala Lumpur. 2014 was a really interesting year for me …. I learnt all about your body parts. It was very interesting and I am very happy you are out the other end of it. I wish you and Steve a wonderful happy and healthy 2015. See you on one of my visits down south love to you both. TERRIE xxx

  3. Martha Gelin

    Tracy, it’s been such a privilege to go on your journey (as much as we could) with you — many thanks. And so happy to run into you from time to time and see your smiling face. Does Buckminster have a place to draw a smile?

    I’ve learned a lot from your journey, but especially from the way you handled and endured it and conquered. Happy 2015, and love to your Steve. He’s been through hell, too, and I can only dimly imagine how happy he is – and if here’s another sort of guy in your life now in addition to Steve, he’s a life-saving guy.

  4. Maree

    wonderful, Tracey.
    I loved the song, the Buckminster, and the Resilience thingie. In my old work we used Resilience as a ‘wheel’ ( though it reminded me of the Trivial Pursuit pie – you could focus on different parts … Different domains – interests and leisure, etc so it wasn’t seen as relentless optimism.
    Mind you relentless optimism has it’s (crazy) advantages.
    Happy New Year, Maree

  5. Dave Sampson

    You’re a real champ Trace. May 2015 onwards overflow with good feelings, rude health and joyous times. Big hugs, Dave

  6. julia

    Ahhh….Tracy, you are a tonic (as Phillip Adams would say). And you have a fine gaggle of friends also. Ive enjoyed being part of your (online) community in 2014. Illness is nothing if not galvanising.
    I feel a personal sense of relief at Anne’s observation that resilience is overrated. Yes we are all expected to be resilient and heroic in the face of adversity.
    I too wish you Tracy a year (and beyond) of rude good health.
    Love Julia

  7. Merrill

    What a cause for celebration … that you, that we’ve all survived 2014. And checking out your Thursday posts has become a habit for me now, a real highlight to my week. So, again, thank you. I look forward to some live face-to-face interaction in 2015 though. May it be a great one for you.

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