Ghastly.

Ghastly. Hideous. I made myself get up off the couch to write just two or three sentences. Now that I’ve completed them I’m free to go back to the couch. But I’m here now, so I may as well do a few more. Had my third chemo session on Monday, followed by two days of being gloriously pumped up on steroids, during which I pottered manically around the house doing things. Not sure what, now. I know I ended up with a box of mixed sequins that I sorted into separate colours. By lunch time today the steroids were wearing off and I was back into the now-familiar searing pain in ankles, knees, hips, wrists. Hey, bearing in mind the reason for this holiday, what does that remind you of? Yup. I found myself lying on the couch reading Wikipedia on the iPhone, about the medical interpretation of death by crucifixion. Very interesting. Now I’m just waiting for Sunday (or before, would be nice), when I can ascend from the couch. Actually, just before the steroids wore off today, I did manage to do some good in the world: I took some pompons down to the burnt church on the corner and did a tiny bit of yarnbombing. I decorated around the edges of the hand-written sign that says, “The fete will STILL BE HERE on April 26.” (I shouldn’t be mentioning this – true yarnbombing is anonymous.)

In the meantime I’ve been inspired by Helen and Ray’s rabbit Mimi, who was found paralysed a couple of weeks ago but refused to give up the ghost. She’s now lurching around the house. “Every day she makes tiny improvements,” says Helen.

Easter_web

And to continue my semi-delirious Easter theme, here’s another panel from my Waste to Art entry. It’s my fallen hair with bits of scrunched-up paper from an old journal. A crown of thorns becomes a nest with eggs in it.

11 thoughts on “Ghastly.

  1. John Kerrison

    Such considered and poignant prose. Beautiful words from one of earth’s beautiful people.

  2. Julia Manning

    Yep, me too. I just love this blog. I’m getting to know you in a whole new way. And your whimsy…

  3. jackie ryan

    Hi Tracey I’m lisa’s friend we met a couple of times when you last visited her in the UK. I have read your blog via lisa and did not want to read and run. I am so sorry to read what you going through. You write so beautifully and with such spirit. Thanks for sharing your thoughts it feels a privlige to read your blog, Jackie x

  4. John Merkel

    what they all said. sorry i missed you last week. was lost in fitzroy. no facebook, no nothing. jx

    love the crown of thorns turned nest. says a lot. hope you got some easter eggs.

  5. karen woodhall

    Hi Tracy
    Thanks for “telling it like it is”. Sorry to hear about the steroid-less misery! I wish they offered some pain-killers for that.
    Where is that medical marijuana? We are having endless trouble here in NZ, with “legal highs” (synthetic weed) though. People are protesting in the streets, because of the number of school kids hooked on the stuff, now.
    Instead of “the great tortured martyr” I’d rather think about the Teutonic Goddess “Ostara” who is the Goddess of fertility, rebirth, and new beginnings. “if you have been ill, try an old folk spell that recommends carrying an egg for 24 hours, then bury it, to bury the sickness” March 17 in my book “365 Goddesses”. She is also a Goddess of the Dawn….”if you are feeling down and need a little extra hope, get up before the sun rises and release a symbol of your burden, by dropping it, or burying it. Don’t look at it. Turn your back and leave it there. Turn to the horizon as the sun rises, and harvest the first flower that you see. Dry it, and carry it with you as a charm to preserve hope in your heart.” Oops, this is a Northern Hemisphere book! I’m not sure if you will find a flower. “Ostara” became “Easter” of course…..(another folk celebration appropriated, and distorted, by the church) so don’t worry, you have paid the Goddess her due, with your little nest. Love from Karen

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